A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i now understand why vodka
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
