...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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