so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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