this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
