So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
