It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
