ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
