I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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