You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize