did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
