oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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