So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
