did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
