Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
