it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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