My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize