she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
