This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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