can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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