Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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