I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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