I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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