I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
