Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I cockslap morals
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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