you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
