Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize