I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
