We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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