thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
