More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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