The maid of honor just puked.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
