Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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