If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
