that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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