I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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