also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
