i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
