dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
