I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
