Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
