Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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