Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
