i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
