i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
