Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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