it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
