oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
