here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
