i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
