Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
