laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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