i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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