fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize