If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
