how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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