I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
