Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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