im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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