either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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