Michael Bay diarrhea
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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