Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think I have vodka in my lungs
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
