i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
